I’ve talked before about my feelings around greetings like ‘how are you?’ A LOADED question that, in my opinion, deserves a fully loaded response. But as I’ve mentioned before, the answers are often a lot more complex and moreover unclear than we might care to think. In my own therapy, I used to tell Sean that I feel ‘full’ when I felt unwell. And the conversation always made it back around to - what are you full OF or WITH? I’d feel so present in the fullness but explaining it would feel impossible. It took me a while to realize how often I allow myself to connect to feelings without ever actually inspecting them and being able to determine what they were; without individually unpacking them and analyzing how they impact my life through the various aspects of my wellness. That’s when I started revisiting the wellness wheel as a journaling prompt. To reconnect and learn about myself all over again. I was first introduced to the wellness wheel during my time at Georgetown University. In my research there’s not an defined/mandated version of the wellness wheel out there or a clear cut origin, a lot of different institutions (particularly the jesuits (shout out Cura Personalis)) have created their owns typically with about 6-8 dimensions to the wheel. Using the wheel made the question of how I’m doing feel approachable. It no longer felt baseless.
Even with my own clients, when I want to dig further into how they’re doing with the same depth and rich language I was trying to build with Sean, I’ve started to employ the wellness wheel. But in order to do that I needed to streamline the tons of different versions I’ve seen out there into my own set of dimensions that address the range of topics we typically cover in our therapeutic environment. So here are The Radical Empath’s 9 Dimensions of Wellness and how they relate to your lived experiences and various intersecting identities. In general, I typically ask my clients (or myself) to consider our past, present, and future with this particular aspect of wellness; what has your relationship to this particular aspect been over the course of your life, where are you at with it right now, and when we consider the ‘future’ of your wellness, where do you see yourself in the next 3-6 months and what would lifelong satisfaction look like. It’s okay to be comfortable where you are and to not have a 3-6 month goal - in fact, that is a wonderful reflection. If YOU (reader) consider using this, remember that it is supposed to be organic process and this model is simply to add structure. I also encourage my clients to rank these aspects on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being extremely satisfied – but if scoring the dimensions feels unhealthy for them, I assure them it’s not necessary for our work together. I love the scoring process so I can look back and see how things have changed over time. That is grounding for me, but not for everyone, and that’s okay. If you do choose to score each dimension, I suggest you write a full reflection and give the score after. Sometimes I used to score and then reflect and then after reflection realize that my score should be higher or lower than I had originally let myself believe. Finally, I journal. But journaling is not for everyone. I have clients who leaves themselves audio notes. I have clients who are very cerebral. If you’re an artist you can even draw something that shows your interpretation of your relationship to that wellness dimension. Do what works for you, but the next time someone asks how you’re doing and you’re looking for a full answer - looking for an opportunity to rediscover yourself so that you might re-introduce yourself to your peers. Try working your way through the wellness wheel as I’ve outlined it ahead:
Environmental Wellness
Once, in high school, my friend once said that the ‘leaves don’t fall the same here (Frederick Co.) as they do in Philly (where she was from).’ Another very environmentally-minded friend who was with us politely (heh) mentioned that we live in the ‘temperate deciduous forest biome,’ and that the leaves fall the same here as they do everywhere else in the mid-atlantic. I thought it was hilarious and have never forgotten the name of our biome since. But in the conversation about wellness, the type of thinking both of them had at the time is exactly what we want to think about.
When it comes to environmental wellness, I tend to break it down into 3 categories: your geographical biome(s), your civic engagement space(s), and your residential/physical living space(s). Now when you write these reflections, you absolutely don’t have specifically address each of these aspects. Rather, think through the questions these aspects activate within you when constructing a more holistic response to the status of your environmental (or any of the dimensions of) wellness throughout your life, right now where you are, and where you imagine yourself. Here’s some examples of what those questions might look like:
Geographical Biome(s) - What is your relationship to the outdoors? What are the seasons like near you? How does each season make you feel? What does the weather give you access to? How does the light change around you or within the spaces of your location? Has that changed throughout your life? How would you like it to change?
Civic Engagement Space(s) - What does your city or town give you access to? What kind of restaurants, leisure activities, demographics of people, and politics in action are around you? Do you take advantage of them?
Residential/Physical Living Space(s) - What does home mean for you right now (and what has it meant and what do you want it to mean)? Do you rest your head in a space where you feel like you can breathe freely? How is the space designed? Does it have a lot of light? Is it cramped? Do you have space for the things you need or even the things you want?
When reflecting alone or in communion with those around you answer these questions and then draw out a reflection on your environment and how it contributes to your wellness. This is a good space to also reflect on if these are aspects that you consider when you consider the environment outside of this exercise. And if not, what does that mean as well?
Relational Wellness
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Relationships are relationships are relationships. We are relational beings. Most of everything we are only exists in relation to one another. When we’re checking in on how we’re relating we’re encompassing soooo much we have be comprehensive. It’s so important. We’re talking committed partnerships, family dynamics, sexual intimate connections (with whatever nebulous terminology suits you there (be that your partner or your hoes (this a pro-hoe household!))), platonic friendships, and professional relationships. I work with a lot of clients who are trying to subvert traditional beliefs around relationships and love. So with them especially I like to ensure they ask these questions about what certain relationships mean to them. What signifies connection for them? How do these various parties reflect that significance? What is the quality of their connections and how does the quality determine the language they use to define them? How do they qualify acquaintances in the relational lives? And here are even more questions to consider:
Committed Partnership(s) - Are you monogamous, non-monogamous, or polyamorous in some regard? What do you consider a committed partnership? What have your committed partnerships looked like in the past? Are you fulfilled in your partnership(s) currently? What is next for you and your partner(s)? Are there conversations you need to have with your partner(s) that you haven’t? Do your committed partnerships feel like a safe space for your feelings? Do you feel seen by your partner(s)?
Family Relationships - What does family mean to you? What kind of relationship do you have with your family? Has it always felt this way? Are there boundaries that you have to uphold with your family that are difficult to maintain? Do you feel you can show up authentically with your family? If you can’t, is that okay with you?
Sexually Intimate Relationships - With whom do you share sexually intimate relationships? What weight do these relationships have? Are you satisfied with your sexual relationships? What experiences of sexual intimacy have been the least satisfying and why? What experiences of sexual intimacy have been the most satisfying and why?
Platonic Relationships - Do you have many close platonic relationships? Do you have many platonic acquaintances? How much space do you give to each in your life? Has it always been this way? What is required of a platonic relationship for it to become deeply connected and vulnerable?
Professional Relationships - Do you have coworkers with whom you feel comfortable and safe? Do you have mentors who can offer you advice in times of need? Do you have leaders who are open to feedback and give constructive feedback?
Relational Wellness reflection tends to be very taxing on the mind, body, and spirit because of the multitudinous nature of it all. Consider also in what ways your relationships contribute to that drain or can be used to counter it. Is there space, during or after this reflection, for gratitude or for some forthright diplomatic vulnerable honesty. This is a space where action may be called out of you I would encourage you to listen to it.
Sexual Wellness
I think it’s
that says something to the effect of ‘masturbation is stress relief so go fuck yourself and calm down.’ Yeah so that’s where I want you to be when you think about your sexual wellness. How can I use my relationship to sex to find peace and relaxation in times of unwellness? And of course, are there aspects of my sexual identity that cause or are directly related to my experience of distress/unwellness? Sex is taboo. We know this. We know because we live in a religiously indoctrinated culture that it will always be something that feels uncomfortable at times. But I promise you, even if you have no relationship to sex… that is still a relationship to sex… and it will always be worth exploring. Here’s some questions to help you do that:
Attraction - Do you find yourself experiencing attraction? To whom or to what (action, dynamic, role, body part)? What is scintillating about them/it? Have you always found yourself attracted to these types of people or things?
Identity - What would you say is your sexuality or sexual identity? Labels are not always perfect descriptors of the complex ways we experience attraction and yet what do you feel comfortably suits your expression? Have you always identified this way? What are some of the perceptions about the way you identify that you feel accurately represent your identity? How about inaccurately?
Behavior - Do you feel liberated to behave in alignment with your experience of attraction and identity? What barriers are there to your preferred sexual behavior? Do you or does your community openly discuss sex? Are you engaging in sexual actions as often as you would like?
Fantasy - Do you fantasize about sex? If you do not, why not? If you do, what do you fantasize about? Is it fictional? Non-fictional? Is it accessible to you? Have you experienced or do you experience shame around your fantasies? Who taught you that shame?
Unpacking sexual shame is an ever ongoing process. Finding sexual liberation — which for some may be the freedom to be a total slut (in whatever ways that means to them personally) and for others may not — is going to be an important that you determine that for YOURSELF though.
Occupational Wellness
Do YOU dream of labor? I have a friend who says they always get triggered when I say I do dream of labor. I like working. I have also been very privileged to have (generally) enjoyed every single job I have had… not every boss (or organization), but every job. I feel very fulfilled by the work I do and thus I imagine myself doing things like it for the rest of my days. But that is not true for everybody. So when you’re reflecting on your occupational wellness, this is a good spot to think about the way we tend to breakdown our relationship to our workplace. That’s production, service, and fulfillment; what you make, who it’s for, and do you like it. But we can expand on that a little bit:
Production - What do you produce at your job(s) or create at work? What would you like to produce in your lifetime? Are there skills you need in order to be able to do that? Resources? A particular network?
Service - What service does your work offer its clientele? Who do you want to be impacted by the work you do? Are there people who are impacted in negative ways? Positive? A bit of both? How does this impact your ability to show up to your work?
Fulfillment - Do you feel fulfilled by the work you do? Have you ever felt fulfilled by the work you’ve done? What are other forms of work you would like to do and what would make that fulfilling?
A point I made recently with a client who is in college is that this can be a great place to reflect on your educational experience with regard to your institution, your professors, your major and the work you do for your degree. That stuff can also fit in the environmental space, in the professional relationship space, and many others but it’s more food for thought.
Financial Wellness
It is striking to me how much financial wellness is my mountain. Even just typing about it for other people gives me agita. But alas, money is unreasonably important in our capitalist society and is a focal point of how we live regardless of if we’ve been privileged enough not to stress about it so much in adulthood. So, when you’re looking to dig in here, I like to focus on four pillars. Your physiological safety, your means of providing for yourself, your means of providing for others, and your accessibility to enjoyment & pleasure (the kind that can be bought). A key thing here is that physiological safety and self are the only ones that have to be here. It’s totally okay if no part of your thought process engages with the intersection of finances and the way we (again, as participants in capitalism) ‘buy’ happiness or, perhaps, you do not use your money on others because of your sense of individualism, your privileges, or your (un/)intentional life’s choices. Regardless, here’s some ways to dig deeper into your relationship to this aspect of wellness:
Physiological Safety - Do you have means to afford your basic living bills: rent, electricity, water, gas, standard clothing? Do you have enough money to pay for your medical needs? Do you have enough money to buy groceries?
Providing for Self - Do you have enough money to pay bills beyond your basic bills (debts, subscriptions, clothes for expression, creative outlets, extracurriculars, transportation)? Do you have the means to provide yourself with small luxuries?
Providing for Others - Do you have the means to provide people close to you with financial aid? Do you have the means to give gifts and financially rooted acts of service to the people close to you?
Enjoyment & Pleasure - Do you have the means to go on vacation? Do you have the means to spend with limited budgeting? Do you have access to expendable income? Does your means for income allow for the freedom to engage in pleasurable activities?
Recreational Wellness
It was a while ago that my partner read me this excerpt from a book that helped me realize how powerful it is to get bored (I can’t remember which book or which excerpt so I’ll cycle back to that another day). Everytime I take a social media break (which I try to do for at least a month twice a year) I reconnect to my sense of boredom which sparks my engine of imagination and creativity. I took my social media off my phone and use an old phone for it now for the same reason. Some of the best poems I’ve ever written or some of the most poignant lines happened waiting in line at the store or while using public transportation. So when we talk about recreational wellness we talk about what you do for fun that makes you feel good. This might overlap with other tenants of wellness. I say all the time to my clients when we discuss this — working out might be a health thing for you but it also just might be a hobby at some point, and that’s okay. What this tenant helps us to remember is that the intention we bring to work or activities changes what we take from them. So for Recreational Wellness this is an easy one-two. What do you do in you free time and what do you do in your down time? See more below:
Freetime - How do you spend large spans of freetime in your week? Do you have large spans on freetime in your week? Entire days free or large chunks of hours? Have you always/ever had these chunks of free time? What is your go-to activity for evening recreation or weekend fun? Do you play a sport? Do you game? Do you gym? Do you paint? Do you go to museums?
Downtime - How do you spend small pockets of free time that show up throughout our day-to-days? Are you on social media? Are you reading? Are you enjoying the peace of the moment? Do you knit? Do you game? Do you stretch?
A note worth making is that I sort of besmirch social media in my revelations around recreation but it’s okay to like social media and it be a place you enjoy spending time. Again, this is about intention. There is not good or bad thing to be in any of these aspects of wellness. It just simply is. It’s observed. It’s felt. It’s changed. It’s encouraged. But it doesn’t have to be judged like I did (my bad! social media can get unhealthy FOR ME and I shouldn’t project that on to y’all). Just reflect on how you spend your time.
Mental Wellness
In the competing wellness wheels, the way that I have broken this down are generally independently broken down in their own right. My philosophy is that the individual components that I use to encompass Mental Wellness - Emotional Reflection (Emotional Wellness), Intellectual Learning (Intellectual Wellness/Educational Wellness), and Social Engagement (Social Wellness) - are typically also interwoven into so many other aspects of wellness i.e. Relational, Occupational, Recreational, etc… it’s always felt like they should be consolidated into the one aspect where they all take place — the mind. In addition to the fact that the mind is also where our identities converge, so this language it feels comprehensive and precise enough to house the tons of questions that can fall into this category for me. And to that end, those questions include:
Emotional Reflection - how do you feel? How have you felt? How do you want to feel? These feelings do not need to be singular. You are a tapestry of feelings.
Intellectual Learning - Do you feel stimulated intellectually? Where do you feel like you have truly learned? What do you want to dedicate yourself to learning more about? Do you enjoy being challenged?
Social Engagement - Are you connecting with others regularly? For what purpose do these connections serve? Are they contributing to a more realized you or are they a distraction? Are they contributing to any dissatisfactory feelings? Are they contributing to a stronger sense of self? Can they become more additive?
This one feels a bit more simple for me because I think this is the easy question/topic/dimension for folks who are looking to check-in with themselves. This socio-cultural revolutionary turn toward mental wellness has us desperate to explore how we’re doing mentally so you may already be knee deep in this reflection. Regardless, it’s always good to cycle back to what brought you here. Your mind. Your thoughts. Your feelings. And then…
Physical Wellness
I think European Beauty standards have made us scared of our bodies and also flattened our perspective of what a body is and kept us entirely from practices of checking in. I would just recommend as you dive into this reflection to remind yourself that a body that is alive is a body worth loving. Now how can you show your body love? Ask it these questions:
Sleep/Rest - How have you been sleeping? Do you feel rested in the morning or after your naps? Under what conditions have you gotten the best sleep? In what ways would you like to or have you created ritual around you sleep? Around your waking?
Nutrition - How is your relationship with food? Have you been eating enough? Have you been eating too much and feeling bloated? Are you cooking for yourself? Are you ordering a lot and if so, from where? Does your food make you feel good in your soul? Do you like to cook? Do you like to explore new styles of cooking, new dishes, new restaurants? Have you? Have you considered your body when you do?
Fitness/Movement - What is your relationship to movement? While this can overlap with recreation if you do sports or go to the gym or dance, movement is about simply moving your body, remember that. Do you sit a lot for work or are you up on your feet? Do you drive a lot or do you walk a lot? Do you stretch? How do you check-in with your body? How do you check in with your somatic feelings?
Sexual Functioning - Is sex enjoyable? If you have a penis, can you hold an erection? Do you participate in penetrative sex? Do you feel pleasure during penetration? Are you experiencing pain in any way? When was the last time you were tested? Are there practices that would be valuable for your sexual health and safety to explore (medicines, protections, etc…)? Do you know enough about how your sexual organs function? Does talking about their functioning activate shame or uncertainty?
Your body needs attention. No matter how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ you have convinced yourself it is, it needs your attention. It keeps the score as they say, and we often aren’t even taught the game to know all of what it is adjudicating without our conscientiousness. Go check-in. Go keep up.
Spiritual Wellness
What I love to tell and remind people is that SPIRITUALITY DOES NOT HAVE TO MEAN RELIGION! It can! And if it does, for you, it should! But you are still a person in this world that may or may not have meaning and you have to figure out how to wrap yourself around that reality so that you can exist freely. There are so many ways you can think about this, but I typically break it down into about four categories (I wanted so badly to make it a trinity but the nuance between these things felt worth it for me) and I align them all with the self. Whether that self is the God in you, the Universe in you, the Stars in you, the Skepticism in you, the Fervent Disbelief in you — that self is still creating a spiritual alignment that you can connect with and discern intention from before you throw yourself into actions to support, sustain, heal, or invigorate your wellness. Those four categories are self-assurance (or faith), self-worth (or (or validation), self-love (or acceptance), and self-liberation (or permission). And the questions I ask (myself and others) when we’re reflecting on spiritual wellness are:
Self-Assurance — Where do you find your sense of self-assurance? Of sureness? Of hope? Of faith? What do you put that hope into? How has that source or your understanding of it changed over time? What do you want it to be? Where do you want that self-assurance - that faith - to take you?
Self Worth — Where do you draw your sense of self-worth? What helps you to acknowledge where you are, where you’ve come from, and where you want to be? Where have you felt acknowledged for your entire narrative?
Self Love- What do you call upon to release yourself from the pressures of our social engineering and allow yourself to just be? How do you accept yourself as you are? as you’ve been? as a person capable of becoming who you want to be?
Self Liberation - What do you need to give yourself permission to do in order to be the best version of yourself? Who or what has helped you give yourself that [form of] permission in the past? What do you want your liberated self to become? What is something your liberated self would do that you are convinced you could not or would not be accepted for? What compromises or creative solutions would you need to make in order to be your most liberated self?
Okay that was a lot. 9 full ass dimensions collected all together for usability. I hope as you check-in with yourself, overtime, you find some use for this and as many glorious revelations as I find every time I do it.
Sending y’all love, healing, and transformative reflection!